Suicide deterrent nets at the Golden Gate Bridge.
Several years back I remember reading an article about the suicide crises in Japan. The report stated that new safety measures were being implemented by the government and large corporations in order to help prevent further deaths. An image of nets being installed onto high skyscraper buildings accompanied the piece as an example of one of the ways the country was working to protect life. Similar features are now common additions at well known sites and buildings the world over - the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, the Prince Edward Viaduct in Canada, the Clifton Suspension Bridge in Bristol, England to name but a few.
It was this image of a safety net that filled my mind earlier today as I lay in bed waiting for a headache to pass on over. It’s a sobering picture to hold in your mind’s eye as imagination dances with its paintbrush - the sterile image soon accompanied by the thought of human lives cut short, the families impacted, the loved ones left behind, the despair and loneliness which surely brought those souls to a brink they never returned from.
Often, when faced with a thought, fact or circumstance that is not pleasant, we want to completely change it, to remove the offending part, delete the ‘bad’ words or images which project negativity. Maybe it’s a desire for perfection, maybe its denial, or it could be that we’re afraid of what this new truth might expose. If you were to remove every trace of shadow and darkness from a painting, can you imagine how little depth there would be? Removing what makes us uncomfortable does not suddenly cause us to be perfect.
I have been mulling over what catches us when the shadows have overwhelmed our feet and our thoughts. What holds us at the brink? Is there anything or anyone? Truly it is devastating that life can be so overwhelming and our lives so fractured that we have had to create mechanisms and structures in order to keep people from plummeting to the ground. But it is also beautiful to me that we have carved hands in different forms to catch them.
Standing on the edge is a scary place to be.
Whether it’s literally looking over the edge of a precipice, toes free of solid ground beneath them, or caught in a dark internal swirl with thoughts that keep you pinned in immobility, the danger to mind and body is alarming. It is no one’s aim in life to end up in this place. It is not a goal we seek as children and aspire to one day reach, but it is more of a common occurrence than we often want to admit.
"1 in 5 U.S. adults experience mental illness each year.
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among people aged 10-34.”
- NAMI
I have experienced many moments where life has felt too much, the circumstances facing me too crushing, and the amount of capacity I had for any of it - too meager. The desire to run away to some far-off island and escape from it all has been very tempting. It is also in these moments where hopelessness has snuck into my thoughts, like a shadow creeping over the ground at dusk. And the moment you begin to believe that there is no hope, is the moment that you have fallen for a lie.
In my last blog, I described some of my more recent experiences and the place of wrestle that they have brought me to. There have been moments in amongst the last few months where the stress and hardship of these things have at times rung their hopeless gong. What I failed to mention in that post however, were the many safety nets that have caught me time and time again: A host of friends who between them gave us a place to stay when we had nowhere else to go, helped cover our moving costs, cared for Freedom, were our moving crew and constant sources of encouragement, who gave advice when asked and listened to our hearts process, who have loved us, laughed with us, cried with us and constantly brought us back to hope.
A safety net can look like a deterrent on the side of a bridge, it can also be a kind word, an intentional ‘how are you?’, a warm hug or the decision to call a helpline. Sometimes we purposefully create these structures for ourselves because we know we will need them, other times we are caught by surprise as the love and care of our community catches us before we even realize that we fell. However the net forms and appears, its presence cannot and should never be eliminated.
Here are some of the things that I have used and been caught by when life has threatened to completely overwhelm me:
Changing my immediate environment by going for a walk, getting out into nature, moving into a public area.
Journaling whatever thoughts are swirling in my head without putting a filter on them.
Writing a list of things that I’m thankful for.
Calling my spouse / family member / trusted friend and inviting them into the moment.
Identifying any people / places / reoccurring situations that cause me to be regularly triggered and creating new boundaries with them.
Prioritising people and activities that are life-giving to me and remind me what is worth living for, what brings me joy, and how beautiful life can be.
Releasing any pent up emotion or anger by working out.
Asking my spouse to hold me.
Calling a helpline number: 1-800-273-8255
Practicing breathing techniques.
Choosing self-care activities over to-do lists or even what my emotions might be telling me I want or need.
