I’m not normally one to follow the rules of writing an ‘end of the year/goals for a new one’ blog. I have often found new year’s resolutions making to be a grand way of setting myself up for failure. Even faith goals for a new year are vulnerable to make because it feels like it leaves too great a margin for disappointment.2017 has been a very different year for me though. Phillip and I have lost two babies and an apartment in the past 12 months, which definitely shattered a few dreams and goals, but it’s also sent us on a much deeper journey of healing and dream-making, including a three month ‘detox’ here in Chicago.My multi-talented husband booked the role of 'Billy Lawler' in 42nd Street, the musical, here in Chicago, so since October we have been based here and next week we’ll be packing our bags once more and moving back to New York City. As one chapter closes and a new one awaits, I find myself approaching it with a new focus, and a desire to not leave behind what I know I’ve gained in this season of rest.When I arrived in Chicago, I came with great plans of being the most productive and creative human while I was here, using my three months of not working to produce a new ‘masterpiece’. It was then greatly discouraging when I couldn’t even muster enough words and inspiration to write a blog post. I soon began to struggle with this need to produce something which would prove my time here to be worthwhile and not a waste.There’s a chant that the kids would shout on the school playground when I was growing up which went, “Time waster, time waster, time waster!” You would be the target of such a mantra if you dilly dallied for too long thinking about who you were going to pass the ball to in a game of football, or thought for longer than was deemed necessary in a game of tag. Now, as I head towards my thirtieth year, I still hear the playground shout whenever I feel like I’m taking too long in life at anything. That’s a lot of pressure you guys.Thank God my friends and community aren’t those kids in the school playground!I was sharing my frustrations with our friends Danny and Danielle back in November, half expecting that they might have ideas on how I could make my time here more productive, and instead found them encouraging me to take the pressure off myself and embrace this season as a time to rest. Danielle then recommended the book, 'Rest', by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang which talks about this concept of working from a rhythm of rest - ‘why you get more done when you work less.’Since that week, it’s like the pressure valve has been released and I have been able to let out the biggest “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh”.I don’t know about you, but sometimes it feels like just being alive is really hard work.I am not defined by what I do and neither are you. We are defined by who we are and that identity is only found in the one God who made us. When we know who we are, we can be who we are, and from that place we are truly able to create.However, if we are just doing, without first knowing how to be, we will eventually find ourselves burnt out and disillusioned.In his book ‘Rest’, Alex covers several “deliberate resting activities” that we can incorporate into our daily routines which both help to keep us healthy and stimulate creativity. In a chapter on napping, he says:
“As we move into a world and economy that seems to defy the constraints of geography and time, that operates globally and twenty-four/seven, we feel the need (or pressure) to work continuously, to ignore our own body’s clocks and push on even when our bodies are pleading to rest. But this is a mistake. Naps are powerful tools for recovering our energy and focus…
Even during his country’s most desperate hours, when he felt the fate of the nation and civilization hanging in the balance, Churchill found time for a nap.
We would be wise to ask if our days and our work are really more urgent.”
This made me chuckle when I read it as Churchill is somewhat of a hero in my household. He was instrumental in the ending of World War 2 and the defeat of Adolf Hitler, his accomplishments are world renown, and yet he knew his limitations and the importance of resting in order to attain victory.
2018 is barely 24 hours away and with it a heap of ‘destinations unknown’. I really have no idea what this next year will hold - it is an adventure waiting to unfold - but I am approaching it with a new confidence in who I am and a resolve to never again give in to the pressure to do, but to continue to learn how to be. What do your new beginnings look like?
