I’m not good at being alone.There have been countless times, including this morning, when Phillip has left the house for the day, and I have become like that child who has a breakdown when their mum drops them off at school for the first time. The day suddenly feels empty and all I want to do is crawl into bed and wait there until he returns. This is what today looked like. I was in that emotionally vulnerable state where everything felt like a big deal, and I was unapologetically ‘needy’.The truth though is that I’m a 28 year old woman who is a wife to the most amazing man. I get to pursue my passions every day. I write and speak and lead others around me. I am surrounded by family and community. I know who I am and whose I am. I am far from unloved and I am far from alone.It would seem that the loneliness I was feeling was actually a lie.When we start speaking truth, over ourselves or our situations, it’s amazing how quickly what we believe, and how we feel, shifts from negativity to tangible hope.My husband, Phillip, is very good at calling me out and calling me higher. He doesn't indulge my emotions but exhorts me to move above and beyond them. It’s also my choice as to whether or not I heed his advice and do what I know is best for me. I know that time by myself is not the worst thing, and actually is something that I need from time to time, but it’s up to me whether or not I utilize it for my benefit.This morning, as I sat feeling sorry for myself, the wiser part of me got the upper hand and I pulled out my Bible, to carry on with my study of Paul’s letters in the New Testament. This is what stood out to me:
‘May the blessings of divine grace and supernatural peace that flow from God our wonderful Father, and our Anointed Messiah, the Lord Jesus, be upon your lives.’
Philippians 1:2
I love that this starts with, may. There is no forced way with God. He doesn’t push an agenda on any of us, or back us into a corner to make us comply with His will. He just opens His arms and says, ‘may…’. May you, who are lonely and broken, hurting and in pain, lost and desiring family, may you find your home, your place of peace and belonging, your sanctuary, in Me. May you live a life marked by divine grace and supernatural peace.Most of the time, it’s our choice as to whether our life stays the way it is. We can continue feeling all the negative feels, or we can disrupt the pattern and change our trajectory. We are the gatekeepers to our day.I'm not gonna lie, I didn't suddenly move from singing ‘All by my self…’, to painting rainbows and showering the room in glitter, but my focus did begin to shift. I put on music that I love to sing along to, reminded myself of how surrounded by love I am, and began to write out what was going on in my heart. Writing, for me, is one of the most therapeutic activities I can engage in. It allows me the space to sift through my emotions, word by word, until I find the root of what's troubling me or gain the inspiration I need.Today, I just wanted to be around people, to feel the comfort of others, but in their absence I learnt, yet again, that my security is not found in who I'm next to, but in who I'm in. Community, friends and family are all important. We need them. But more vital, even than family, is being connected to the One who created family, who made each one of us, unique and different. Honestly, spending time connecting with God will do more for your heart than the biggest and best bear hug ever could. Trust me, I've tried both.So, may you shake off loneliness today and embrace the truth that you are seen, known and loved. May you find the time and space that your heart needs to connect with the One who made you. And may you encounter the divine grace and supernatural peace that He has for you, your family and your home.
