Women have ruled the headlines this week. From Meghan Markle’s truth-telling interview, and all of the backlash which ensued, to the discovery of Sarah Everard’s body in woodland in Kent, England following her disappearance in London on March 3rd, the cries for the voices of women to be heard have been resounding.
Although now living in New York City, I grew up in England, living primarily in Liverpool until I was 25 and finally received my visa to come to the States and marry my husband. In watching, reading and listening to the stories and conversations, the challenges and demands for change, which have come from the very bones of women across the UK I have found myself remembering and relating, understanding and coming alongside.
England is no anomaly to the mistreatment of women, I have experienced objectification everywhere that I’ve lived and traveled in the world. There is not one place that I’ve gone to where I have not at some point needed to put into practice the ‘survival checklist’ in order to ensure my safety. These are tips and tricks if you will, not guaranteed to work, but recommended to shield you from potential attackers.
Wear bright clothes
Wear shoes that you can run in
Don’t wear clothes that might be considered ‘suggestive’
Text/call someone to let them know you’re on your way and what time to expect you
Carry your keys in your hand to be used in self-defense if needs be
Carry a rape alarm
Walk only on well-lit and populated streets at night
Cross to the other side of the road and double-back on yourself to be around more people if possible
As soon as you turn a corner ahead of someone you are suspicious of, run, to create more distance
Don’t take the short cut home
Talk to someone on the phone as you walk
I have done all of these things throughout the years, many times without even thinking about it. Even as I write, memories come to mind like watching a twisted highlight reel…being followed home as a teenager by a man who then stalked me for several weeks… the adrenaline of fear and instinct rushing through my veins and putting me on high alert as I walked home alone… being sexually assaulted in a nightclub… being followed, propositioned, and threatened by a curb crawler when I was just fourteen… called out to, whistled at, approached and followed by random, older men on numerous occasions. The memories don’t stop there, some hold more intense violations, others of the subtler kind, but the fact remains that the streets have never been the safest for women.
‘Reclaim these streets’ has been the chant that has reverberated around the country and world as women have gathered to honour and mourn the life of Sarah Everard. Her death has struck a chord with womankind; the realisation that, ‘that could have been me’, causing a wildfire for justice to be set alight. This week comes on the back of three years of the #metoo movement becoming a prominent part of our conversations and campaigning. It follows multiple high profile stories of leaders in church and state being accused of sexual misconduct towards women who were working for them. Sarah’s life and subsequent death are a fresh reminder that she could have been us.
Around the world, 1 out of every 3 women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence and 200 million girls are missing.
According to a 2016 Center for Disease Control report, 1 out of every 5 women in the U.S. have experienced rape or attempted rape.
In the UK, 1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse and 1 in 5 sexual assault during her lifetime.
As the grief has poured out, so has the anger, and with it the demand to change the narrative from centering the conversation around the woman and ‘what she should have done differently’, to calling out the man who has perpetrated. For too long the woman has often been blamed or questioned for how she ‘allowed or welcomed’ her assault to happen.
Woe unto us for how we have treated the hurt and abused, for how we have allowed sexism, racism and every other ism to run and rule our institutions. We have not been our sister’s keeper, our brother’s keeper. We have placed the power in the wrong hands and sacrificed our most beautiful and vulnerable on the altar of power, lust and greed.
If the last couple of years have taught us anything, it’s that a lot of injustice has been allowed to prevail for too long, but those who have been on the receiving end are DONE with being subjected to this cycle. #timesup
In reading this, you may identify with that vulnerable feeling of being a potential walking target for someone else’s ill intent. You may be entering this conversation from a different perspective and set of experiences. You may be the brother, husband, friend or father of a woman who has been on the receiving end of this kind of trauma. Wherever you find yourself, there is space for your story, room for your voice, communities you can connect to and actions that can be taken.
Please see below for a list of linked resources that I hope will aid you in continuing this conversation in your space. Let’s invest our time into healing, caring for our mental health, learning what changes can and should be made, and adding our voices in support of a movement that seeks to love our women, not just better, but WHOLLY.
Times Up Now - An organization committed to the ‘safe, fair and dignified work for women of all kinds.’
Silence Is Not Spiritual - A global network of women faith leaders and their allies calling the church to stand with and for survivors of gender based violence and abuse.
One Million Thumbprints - A grassroots organization working to stop violence against women and girls in conflict zones.
Restless Network - A safe, social network for women by women.
Prey Tell - (book) Why we silence women who tell the truth and how everyone can speak up.
Dr. Hillary Mcbride - therapist, researcher, speaker and writer.
