A Thread of Value

I recently had a ‘getting-to-know-you’ lunch date with Danielle, one of the amazing pastors of our lively and loving church community in NYC. We sat on high stools in an open dining area near the banks of the Hudson River, taking bites of our ‘home-made’ meals in-between telling stories of our life journeys so far. At the end of my rambling introduction into the history of Joy Attmore, Danielle made a very interesting and real observation.“It seems to me that there’s been a thread of value running through your life. I think that those seasons that were challenging for you were being used by God to solidify the truth of your value and identity in Him. When it feels like that ‘same issue’ is rearing its head again, it does not mean that you didn’t have victory over it in the past, you’re just dealing with a new layer of it.”#boom.Have you ever had one of those moments when somebody has summed up the convoluted seasons of your life in one paragraph? It made a lot of sense.The thing that stood out most to me in Danielle’s response to my potted life history was the use of the word value. Four days prior I had stood in the living room of our apartment and crumpled into tears as my husband put his arms around me to embrace me.The sobs came involuntarily and unannounced; the culmination of several triggers compounding together. In the hour running up to this breakdown, I had been trying to connect a call to my parents over Skype but a wifi disconnection on their end was proving it to be impossible. I hadn’t spoken to them properly in a little while and had been looking forward to our Saturday morning catch-up more that I had realised. This failure to connect landed heavily on my heart, which had already been triggered by small promises that had been made to me that week but had gone unfulfilled. My heart was tender and the sudden absence of parental presence caused it to crumble momentarily.I am someone whose emotions often surface before my mind has had time to understand fully what is going on. This was one of those moments.As the tears dried up and my breathing returned to a normal, peaceful cadence, I tried to gauge the reason for my outburst. Value. It all came back to this one root desire, to feel valued, to know that I am valued. I had been interpreting each of these disappointments as meaning that I was less than, not important enough, easily skipped over and forgotten. I had begun believing those old lies and it was hurting my heart.But of course I was hurting because I was never meant to believe those things! No one was  ever meant to believe that they are lacking in value or that they are not important because it simply is not true. And yet we do. Every. Single. Day.Unless the truth about your worth is embedded in your heart and mind and cared for like the rarest of treasures, it can become an item slowly cheapened and worn out over time until one day you forget why you ever thought it was important.“So may we never be found dishonoring one another, or comparing ourselves to each other, for each of us is an original. We have forsaken all jealousy that diminishes the value of others.”Galations 5:26 ( The Passion Translation )“So may we…” it’s like the beginnings of a softly spoken prayer that illuminates our very beings with the light of truth as we slowly take in the power of those words, letting them ruminate over time until they are an unshakable part of ourselves.I find myself once again being challenged, on nearly a daily basis, to further cement the truth about who I am within my heart, regardless of the scenarios that might trigger me in the opposite direction. We are each an original. There are no carbon copies within humanity which means if something happens to you, or to me, we are not replaceable and the world loses a priceless part of creation.When I value myself and don’t diminish who I am through a sense of unworthiness, I am empowered to pour that same value into others. I am no longer in competition with the world but I am in love with it. I am in love with you. So may you know how valuable you are as you read these words and may they drip truth into your soul that can never be stolen from you.