I had a realisation the other day, as I sat in the dining room at East One in Brooklyn, that I needed to learn the art of self care. This epiphany came after sobbing in the shower earlier that morning and deciding that I needed to rearrange my day, as I no longer had the emotional capacity to be present for those around me. I gathered myself together and headed out into the warm summer’s day, desiring to find a place where I could write, process my heart and drink a good cup of tea.As I walked down the street, still feeling the rawness of vulnerability, I realised it was lunchtime and I was hungry. The internal dialogue began as I chastised myself for not having eaten before I left the house. When out and about on my own, I don’t like to spend money on food for myself, as it feels like a waste, especially when I know the cupboards are full at home. In New York, you can spend the same amount on one meal as you would on a whole week’s food shop!One thought then became louder than the others, “You could take yourself out to lunch. You are worth taking to lunch. It’s ok.”This was a bit of a novel idea.I could go out to lunch, all by my self.The next thing I knew, I was being seated and served at one of Phillip and I’s favourite new spots. That was when I had my epiphany.I make my decisions, and orchestrate my days, around what other people need and want from me.Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s important to be there for others, to consider their needs and serve those around you, but your needs are also important. You deserve the time to be loved well and looked after. You are worthy of your own time and resources.I ended up spending most of that day by myself. Not in a negative, deeply introspective way, but simply taking the time to breathe, to listen to my heart, and not be rushed by any outside demands.I rested. I grieved. I healed.As I sat, cupping a great mug of English Breakfast tea, I read a verse from the Bible which refreshed my spirit in an instant.
“May God Himself, the Heavenly Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, release grace over you and impart total well-being into your lives.”
Ephesians 1:2 (The Passion Translation)
Some days are vulnerable. Our hearts get triggered by the smallest of things, and suddenly we realise that the wound we thought had been healing nicely, has suddenly been opened up again, and we need to take some space to tend to it, in order for greater healing to take place.It’s ok to say no sometimes, because that ‘no’ will allow room for a bigger ‘yes’ in the days that follow. And when you are able to say ‘yes’, it will be from a heart free of the entanglement of resentment, and full of the beauty that love brings.Just a few days following my teary, shower breakdown and solo date at East One, I was able to give of my time in the way that my heart had desired to do all along. I was able to hang out with my friend and play with her kids, without tears pricking the backs of my eyelids, or being made constantly aware of what I didn’t have. I was free to connect, to play, to listen and to love.So I have learnt all over again the importance of loving myself. My friend, may this also ring true for you today. You are worthy of your time. You are worthy of your love. That thing that you have deemed as unimportant, it matters. You matter, and on the other side of acknowledging that, and making space for your own heart, is freedom.[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojUrs28LeGM[/embed]
