Hoping can feel like a dangerous play in a chess game; the success of your move all dependent on how your opponent chooses to respond. It feels vulnerable to hope for a dream to be fulfilled, especially if you’ve already experienced a lot of disappointment in the waiting. It takes courage to once again open up your posture to the possibility of your heart’s desires being realised.
A few weeks ago I found myself daring to believe. I was a few days late in coming on my period and my energy levels were on the floor. For a couple of days all I wanted to do was sleep, and on the second morning spent the first few hours in bed trying to keep nausea at bay. As all of the symptoms seemed to point in one direction, I slowly became convinced that I was pregnant.
On the morning that I had planned to take a pregnancy test, I instead found myself walking to the store to buy a fresh pack of tampons. Later, I retreated to the safety and solitude of the shower, finding comfort in the water as it washed away every tear that I sobbed into its stream. It had been a little while since I had opened up my heart to hope like that, but once again reality had succeeded in quickly shutting the door on its existence.
Over the next couple of days my emotions fluctuated as I tried to coach myself through the disappointment, but I needed more than just platitudes. I needed a fresh encounter with truth. Pulling myself and my heavy heart out of bed, I opened my Bible and read the next verse in my devotional:
One day Jesus taught the apostles to keep praying and never stop or lose hope.
Luke 18:1 (TPT)
I sat in my room and cried as I continued to read the story of the widow who persistently pleaded to a judge for justice until he finally caved in and gave it to her. The passage ends with Jesus saying this:
“Don’t you know that God, the true judge, will grant justice to all of his chosen ones who cry out to him night and day? He will pour out his Spirit upon them. He will not delay to answer you and give you what you ask for. God will give swift justice to those who don’t give up. So be ever praying, ever expecting, just like the widow was with the judge.”
Luke 18:7-8 (TPT)
As I sat in my apartment, wiping tears from my face and reading these verses over and over, I felt enfolded by fresh hope that sank deep into my heart. When we believe in and follow God, we automatically get to abide - remain; continue; stay or dwell - in him, which guarantees our hope. We abide in hope. Hope doesn’t equate foolishness, it equals the strength of our faith in the true judge who grants justice to all who ask for it.
Today is mother’s day in America, which over the past two years has been a vulnerable one for me as I remember the two babies I have in heaven and long for more here on earth. Yet today all I had to utter from my lips was, ‘thank you!’ as I felt the strength of hope around me. It is possible to grieve what we have lost or been hurt by whilst also being held in the perfect strength of hope.
Your season or circumstance today may look different from mine, but I believe that God has a fresh gift of hope for you to abide in. It will not be swayed by your emotions but will become the foundation in which you can remain as you continue journeying towards promises fulfilled. So may hope become your anthem today, and may truth become the fire that revives your bones to keep moving forward into all that God has for you tomorrow.
