Ahead of me, an older Korean lady stood at the base of the stairs in the subway juggling her cane, handbag and wheeled shopping cart between her two hands as she contemplated the ascent in front of her. I approached her with a smile, shifting my own shopping bag to my other hand as I offered to assist her up the steps.“Oh thank you so much! Please, yes, thank you!” Her head bobbed with gratitude and her face lit up with wrinkled thanks.“No problem,” I smiled again as I transported her cart to the top of the staircase. “Would you like help to the street?” I addressed her again as she joined me by the exiting turnstiles.“Oh yes please! Thank you so much! Thank you, thank you!” Her head carried on bopping, her face never once retreating from constant smiles.We walked together towards the exiting flight of stairs, her white linen outfit wafting softly around her short frame, creating an air of peace as she moved. “You are a teacher?”I shook my head, “No”, then tried to think of a simple way to explain my occupation.She beat me to it with another enquiry, “You are a mother?”I smiled and shook my head again, “No, not yet.”“Ohhh, you have the face of a mother!” Her tone was that of an all-knowing seer, allowing no room for disagreement.“Thank you!” I responded with more smiles.Soon we were parting ways, as no more flights of stairs stood in between her and her home, and my long-legged strides quickly created half a block of distance.Her parting words stayed with me as I went about the rest of my day - answering emails, making my lunch, writing a blog entry and readying myself for an evening shift at work. She called me a mother. I have not yet experienced the delight and honour of carrying a baby in my womb but it is something I definitely have a desire to see happen in the not-too-distant future. So I do not yet know what it really means to be a mother. I have experienced having the heart of a mother but never before have I been told that I have the face of one. It felt profound to me, like there was some deeper, hidden meaning to her comment.At first I felt excited. Maybe she was someone who had a prophetic gift and could see me with children soon - little Joys and Phillips running around with big eyes and wide smiles! Then I pondered a little longer and was struck my another, more existential thought: what do our faces say about each of us? Do I really carry the look of a mother or was that merely a fleeting moment of warmth that I shared with a stranger? Shouldn’t we always carry the face of a mother or father to those around us, friend or foreigner?My husband has voiced similar thoughts to this over the past couple of years in response to the racial violence that has been unearthed afresh in America. Innocent black men and women have been subject to wrongful arrests, shootings and discrimination by both figures in authority as well as members of their local community. Would those stories still exist if those involved had treated each other like an extension of their family? Would those deaths have occurred if the one holding the gun had walked as a mother or father instead of a stranger with a subconscious fear of others? Do we walk around as mothers and fathers or as orphans just trying to protect our self?I hope I always wear the face of a mother and I hope that face is also connected to the heart of one.That dear Korean lady’s words have made an imprint on my heart and mind ever since our brief encounter. I have called myself into check several times when I’ve realised that I’ve drifted into murky territory in my attitude towards others, and let me tell you, it can be easily done living in NYC! But just because something is easy does not justify the action.Both my mum and mother-in-law are stella examples of women who embody the heart of family. I watch them both open their arms wide to people on a regular basis, that many of us would hope to be able to ignore, and they treat them as if they are their own. To me, this is what the face of a mother really looks like.
There's No Striving In Love
I stood towards the back of the room, my eyes closed, the atmosphere filled with the sound of several hundred voices all joined in song, the well-rehearsed band creating a backdrop of music for their lyrics. I'm fairly sure that by all outward appearances I looked the picture of serenity, however inside, my stomach kept twisting with anxiety. Suddenly a refrain that I had heard sung before began to play in my mind, ordering my thoughts into alignment with peace.
"There's no striving in Your love. "
In a few minutes my husband and I would be walking to the front of the room to share words of encouragement that we felt God had given us for our community. I was battling with a feeling of having to perform when all I wanted to do was what came most naturally to me: love people.
Sometimes, in wanting to be good people and desiring to do the right thing and not fall flat on our faces in the process, we can find ourselves striving for perfection and in doing so fall out of love.Staying in love means we are still able to see one another; we are still able to connect as one human to another.
I began repeating the refrain over and over in my mind, "there's no striving in your love..." We made our way to the front and as soon I stood, with mic in hand, looking out over the sea of faces, I felt at home, the anxiety melted away and I knew I had stepped out of a fear of man and into a heart of love.
You see prior to looking into those beautiful faces, all I had was my imagination of what could happen next...I would stumble over my words, say the wrong thing, offend somebody...That's what fear does. It presents a list of possibilities to us that are founded in deception with the sole purpose of tripping us up, holding us back from really shining in our full potential.
Think about it in relation to someone you are close to: a family member, spouse or best friend. When you are with them you don't have to try to be somebody or something, you simply get to be. When we are in love we no longer have to strive because everything that comes out of us is in the overflow.
Back in the room with my church community, we left the platform and began interacting with people whose hearts and journeys had connected with the few words of encouragement we had brought with us. The rest of the evening began to unfold, like the opening of a flower's petals to the morning light, with such beauty and vulnerability. I watched hope return to people's hearts and witnessed bodies that had been riddled with pain receive healing.
I was in awe and fear was absolutely nowhere to be found.
Caught in the Waiting Room
Having a dream is like holding a key which has the potential to unlock our future and fill our life with beauty, adventure, love and excitement. There's risk involved though in dreaming, in knowing when the right time is to use it that key and activate the vision. The last decade has taught me the importance of knowing how to wait for my dreams to come through to completion. The Beauty for Ashes Movement took 8 years of patiently waiting until I began to see the first shoots of life begin to spring forth. When you’re in the waiting room for something it can be hard not to go a little bit stir crazy or become overwhelmed with disappointment; you have to maintain hope and a vision of the promise.There’s a passage from the Bible that is at the heart and foundation of the BFAM and our mission to love women into wholeness, it can be found in Isaiah 61:3 where it reads:
‘…bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes…’
I love the whole of this chapter which is alive with God’s promises and vision for justice and restoration as it has caused me to come alive with those same things. Right before Isaiah 61, however, there is Isaiah 60 and the last verse reads:
‘…I am God.
At the right time I’ll make it happen.’
Essentially, one of the best-known Scriptures, that has helped start numerous movements around the world, is preceded with a reminder that God makes all things come together in their right time and right season. I say this after having walked through my own long season of waiting for my dreams to be fulfilled when many times it felt like I was just being given delay after delay. I definitely shed my fair share of tears, questioned every truth and promise and felt disappointment pierce my heart on several occasions but then things changed and suddenly, with great ease, the dreams of my heart started to become a reality.I’ve learnt that the time I spent waiting was actually a time that God was continuing to build the vision within me and mature my heart to be able to contain it. It wasn’t years wasted but rather years invested.We all have visions, dreams, passions that stir our hearts and cause us to come alive. They are promise seeds to be planted in good soil and benefited with the time and care which will allow them to grow and burst forth. Your dreams will come to pass even if your current circumstances deem them impossible right now. The intricacies of your life journey do not spell out ‘mistake’ or ‘failure’ they display beauty, strength and someone who is wholeheartedly going after their individual purpose and destiny no matter the obstacles they may face.Some dreams occur overnight and others marinate for years before you even see a hint of their existence but, either way, there is always a ‘suddenly’! So I dare you to keep dreaming, purposing, hoping and believing because it will come to pass in its perfect time.
